As a reader, Marshall, pointed out to us, Herb Rubenstein -- the congressional candidate in CD-7 who just moved to Colorado so that he could run for congress -- has a website up and running.
First of all, let's give Rubenstein credit for being the first candidate in CD-7 with an active website. But no matter what the other candidates do online, they'll have a hard time duplicating www.herbrubensteinforcongress.com in terms of sheer entertainment value...
On his ridiculously long-worded website (why would you use a domain name with 25 characters?), Rubenstein outlines an array of positions. We tried the "Rubenstein 12" first, to get the quick insight. Here's the first four:
1. Ethics. Need for ethics in government and business.
2. Iraq. Need of a good plan to achieve peace with honor and democracy in Iraq.
3. Water. Plan for and assurance of reasonably priced water for the next 500 years.
4. Education. Address the complexities within the public education, K-12 and post-secondary system.
You might have noticed, as did we, that the answer to every problem is "We need a solution." While true, we wanted more. So we clicked on Rubenstein's views on about 100 different issues in "The Rubenstein 200" (although some are repeated more than once but listed separately, such as his education ideas), and found longer answers on questions like:
"What should be our policy with regards to the Smithsonian Institution"
Huh? Did he poll on this, and it came back that people in CD-7 were really concerned about the future of the Smithsonia Institute?
"What should our position be with regard to ending illiteracy in the U.S.?"
Umm, we should try to end it?
His answers to most everything on the list are either, "we should definitely fix this problem," or "we need an army of volunteers." Oh, and new technologies, like robot cars, or something, seem to come up a lot. Here are some of our personal favorite answers:
1. What should be our position regarding Iraq?
We should seek Peace With Honor. We should call for an International Peace Conference to find a way to end all bloodshed in the country and to foster democracy.
Yes, we should definitely seek peace. Well said. This one should be a surefire winner in debates with candidates who say they want more war with Iraq.
6. What should our position be regarding gun control?
I fully support the right of Americans to be licensed to carry firearms. However, we are just years away from the development of “guns” that can shoot weapons of mass destruction. We already have a gun that can shoot 40,000 rounds per minute. www.metalstorm.com. These weapons, like assault rifles should not be allowed to be owned or operated under any circumstance by citizens. Citizens should have the right to carry guns in the traditional sense, as guns existed when the second amendment to the constitution was passed, with reasonable improvements thereto.
Guns that shoot weapons of mass destruction. That line speaks for itself.
Citizens should have the right to carry guns "as guns existed when the second amendment to the constitution was passed." Like what, muskets?
61. What should our policy be on the storage of nuclear waste?
We should not store nuclear waste in any region of the country where citizens of that region do not want nuclear waste stored unless we can provide absolutely scientific certainty that the storage of that waste is perfectly safe for the future.
We should have no trouble at all finding people who WANT nuclear waste stored near them.
36. What should our policy be toward improving the crime solving ability of our police forces?
We should remove from every police force the responsibility of traffic enforcement. All traffic enforcement should be done electronically and the police should devote 100% of their resources to reducing crime and catching people who commit crimes.
In short, traffic robots are good, and we should make sure that police officers are definitely solving crimes. Got it.
57. What should our policies be toward drunk driving?
All automobiles should be required to have alcohol breath tests operating at all times measuring the alcohol level of the operator. No car shall be allowed to start if the operator has a blood alcohol level above .08 and if during the operation of a vehicle the driver’s level of alcohol increases to this level, the car will automatically shut off in a safe manner within one mile of the time when the alcohol level exceeds the legal limit. If a person under the age of 21 is driving the car shall not start or continue operation if any level of alcohol is detected in the driver’s breath.
This brings up some very important questions: If your car pulls you over for a DUI, is that a traffic ticket or a more serious crime? If it's a traffic ticket, does the traffic robot give the robot car the ticket, or do you get the ticket? If your car can drive itself, why are you driving home anyway?
And the big question: If the machines turn against us and The Terminator comes, will he stump for Rubenstein's re-election or try to kill him?
On sheer entertainment value alone, we at Colorado Pols are incredibly pleased to see Herb Rubenstein in this race. Just think, we're not quite to 100 yet on "The Rubenstein 200."